Smells Like Porkies for the Tweenies

Director: Christian Forte
Main Cast: Denise Richards, Brendan Hines, Chris Pratt

American Hot Babes aka Hot Babes aka Deep in the Valley – this is a film so astronomically bad, they’ve given it more than one title to see if they can sneak it past the distributors in different territories. It’s the only reasonable explanation. In short, best friends Carl (Brendan Hines) and Lester (Chris Pratt) find themselves transported straight into a parallel porn-filled dimension via a vintage video booth. That’s the brief synopsis – did you want something longer and harder? Yeah – that’s the kind of humour we’re dealing with people…

DVD Release Date: 22nd February 2010

The film does have a plot – it’s just so basic that you doubt the entire back of a cigarette packet was needed in order to work out all the details. Basically, Lester is a layabout working in a liquor store selling top shelf mags and fags to underage kids. Carl is more ambitious as he has a steady job – however, it’s not what he wants to do. Stuck working for his fiancées father, he either puts up and shuts up, or he loses his woman. However, she’s such an annoying British upper class stereotype you can see why Carl doesn’t have much fight in him.

On a slow day in the store Lester is watching commercials on the TV and he enters a competition – dazzled by the semi-clad ladies that are peddling their wares, as it were. After completely forgetting about calling in, the prize actually arrives at his front door. The lads enter the ‘Diamond Jim Vintage Porn Booth’, changing their lives forevermore. They find themselves in some alternate reality where all the women are straight out of the playboy mansion – bouncing around having water and food fights, wearing bikinis if they can be bothered. Everything is shot in shades of pastel and everyone is beautiful, but just a little bit stupid.

Naturally, Carl and Lester are stoked. Apart from the pesky matter of being pursued by some perky male PC and his rubber-clad female sidekick, they’re having a whale of a time. Carl meets Bambi (Rachel Specter), the stunning sorority girl (“she is, like, microwave lasagne hot”), and Lester tries to get acquainted with just about everyone else.

Adding some star power to the proceedings is Denise Richards as Autumn Bliss – the sorority house ‘mother’. Not a complete stranger to getting her kit off, she seems like a natural fit for this relative porn-fest – although at almost 40, she looks more than her age when surrounded by such nubile youngsters. Tracy Morgan, of 30 Rock Fame, also makes an appearance as the charmingly named Busta Nut – another horrifically stereotyped role.

This film doesn’t really offer much value for money. It’s basically soft porn, which teenage boys are likely to enjoy - but the rating kind of dictates that they shouldn’t be allowed to buy it, or watch it. And it’s supposed to be a comedy, but it’s really not that funny. Besides American Hot Babes, Christian Forte only has one other writing credit from 1996 – anyone heard of Albino Alligator? Unfortunately, even with these two turkeys under his belt, it hasn’t stopped some moron with a wallet giving him additional finance – he does have another project in development. If this film is anything to go by though, let’s just hope that’s where his next project stays.

Country of Origin: USA
Running Time: TBC
Certificate: USA - R